i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
