I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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