New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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