This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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