I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
