Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
