Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
