something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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