Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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