DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
