jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
