you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
