he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can't put those talents on a resume
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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