not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
