sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
