Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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