Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
