I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
