it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Farmville is her only friend.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
