so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
