When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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