He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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