I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
