so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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