I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
