I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
