May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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