That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
