Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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