Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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