The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm both gender and math confused
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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