we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize