like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
this hospital has no fireball
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
