You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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