If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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