My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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