I have demons in me.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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