Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
