I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
