I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
