i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
