wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
