I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The best revenge is premature balding
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
