If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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