Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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