what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize