woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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