shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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