"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
