My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
