dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
