bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
