You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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