Where did you get a picture of my penis
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
