u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
