Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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