i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
