Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
