There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
