it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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