I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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