Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have tasted many bathrooms
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
