im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
