Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
