Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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