This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
