So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
