but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
