life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And then my night got REAL pukey
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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