I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
