"it" just moved
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
