Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
