Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize