do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
