We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She's the barista slut.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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