Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
