I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
