If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
