Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
