It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
