I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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