During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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