I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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