Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
