I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
