I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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