This girl is more easily done than said...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
