We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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