You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize