A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
