I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
