Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
