Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
