he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
