6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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