I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
