Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
