before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
