The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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