This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize