Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Less talking, more tequila
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
