Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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