do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
