Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
